Building competence is a crucial aspect of developing emotion regulation skills. Knowing how to behave and which skills to use in a given situation can make it easier to regulate emotions associated with that experience. Adequate preparation and a sense of competence reduce vulnerability to the emotional mind. It helps combat helplessness and increases the chance of effective emotional responses.
We can develop effective coping skills in situations that typically trigger difficult emotions. For example, if I consistently feel strong anxiety in situations where I need to say no and want to withdraw, I can gradually enhance my competence in the area of assertiveness. I will start with situations where I can refuse a simple request and then progress to situations involving firm boundary-setting. As I practice, my assertiveness skills will develop, and anxiety will decrease.
Building competence:
Each day, perform an activity that creates a sense of accomplishment. Be mindful of downplaying the significance of your actions and abilities, such as saying “it’s nothing special,” “everyone finds it easy,” “I should have achieved much more.” Be understanding with yourself.
Set a goal to achieve something (“I am practicing,” “I will learn something”). Be cautious about pre-assuming “failure” and setting high standards from the outset. If you expect perfection from yourself, you may experience frustration and underestimate your efforts. Do something challenging but achievable.
Gradually increase the difficulty over time. If the first task is too difficult, next time, do something easier.
Seek challenges. If a task is too easy, try something more difficult next time.
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